A Happy Ending

Two years ago today I wrote a post that shot fire through my life and hurt people that I loved very much.  That was never the intention of those words and while I am very sorry for hurting people, apologizing for my writing is something that I’ll never do.  That being said, its Thanksgiving again! Which means another day full of my family.  I have a great adoration and appreciation for both sides of my family, and today I felt that adoration more than I ever have.  Long story short, I am ALWAYS late for family functions regardless of what time I get up in the morning or how much time I have to get there.  Its one of the constants in this world, if there are planned family events Courtney will be the last one to arrive.  Today, due to no fault of my own I promise, I was 20 minutes late to my Grandma Jordan’s (my Mum’s Mum) and usually I walk in and everyone is already eating.  This year I walked in and they all stared at me like it was an intervention because everyone was just sitting, no one was eating.  They had waited for me.  I literally almost cried.  It was just one small gesture, but it meant more to me than I think any of them realized.  Then more magic happened, I sat at the kids table.  And I do mean kids table….it was literally a child sized table and I sat on the floor, it was amazing.  Some of you may know of my very strong opinions about having children of my own, but for one reason or another I am great with them.  Its partly due to my favorite part about myself, which is my childlike wonder.  I love seeing the amazement in a child’s eyes when they are completely entranced by something.  Its a feeling that I think a lot of us lose as we get older and that’s such a shame.  If more of us retained that feeling the world might not be such a bad place after all.  But getting back to dinner, I was eating with Sydni, Coye, Piper and Iann.  Sydni, Coye, and Piper I don’t get to spend a lot of time with and Iann I don’t spend as much time as I’d like to with.  They are all amazing kids and their parents amazing people.  But I asked them all what they wanted Santa to bring them for Christmas, to which they replied that I didn’t know Santa, to which I replied oh I beg to differ.  After convincing them that I did in fact know Santa and where he lived they let me in on their Christmas wishes.  There’s something so magical about a child expressing what they want for Christmas and seeing it in them that they truly believe that an enigmatic man in a red suit will bring it to them.  But I digress, dinner at Grandma Jordan’s was a complete success, after dinner I walked around upstairs with Grandma Jill and went through her rooms packed with antique furniture and picked out things that I wished to take home, speaking of I’ll be getting a fabulous recovered living room set from my mother for Christmas this year and I could not be more pleased.  I always wanted a big purple velvet couch, and this just might be my year.  Even without picking things out to take with me, it was really nice to spend time with my Grandma.  I’ve been distant from her for so long because I was desperately trying to hold onto the grandma I lost last summer.  Which brings us to over the river and through the woods (literally) to my Dad’s Thanksgiving.  I always get that warm fuzzy feeling at Grandma Schmid’s house.  I won’t pretend its become any easier to walk in to that house and not see her in her chair at the kitchen table.  And I won’t pretend that the world is less magical without her in it, but I’m glad that my Dad moved into their house.  In a way it keeps her memory alive to have the house noisy and buzzing with people, it will be a very sad day when that house grows quiet and I pray that it never does.  Dad’s was business as usual, dinner and football, nothing really spectacular happened which is fine considering there has been a year that they’ve deemed “The Thanksgiving we Shot the Dog”.  Sometimes its just lovely spending time with family.  I had dinner again….and then took a well deserved nap.  When I woke up I had an unsettling text that I had to answer and for exactly 30 seconds I allowed it to put me in a dark place.  Then I looked up and my nephew Iann said “Kill zombies with me Nini”, and I realized that things have changed.  Two years ago had I received the same text I would have broken down in the middle of the dining room.  But I’m not that girl anymore.  I’m not the girl that wrote the post that hurt people I loved and I’m not the girl who lets herself be halted by words from a boy.  You have one life to live, you get one chance to make the best of it, to make it amazing.  I won’t waste a second longer feeling sad for what I no longer have, I’ll instead be grateful that I had the chance to possess it in the first place.  And if God sees fit to bring me that happiness again I hope it won’t be wasted on me.  I hope you all had equally amazing Thanksgivings with your friends and family, make sure to take time to really be thankful today for all the wondrous things floating around this world and appreciate the ones that you love.  And to all of you waking up at 3 a.m. for Black Friday shopping, may god have mercy on your souls, because those other crazed Moms and Dads fighting for the same sale prices certainly won’t.